I'll never tell

by Buffy

Anya:
This is the man that I intend to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine!

But I'm out of the biz
The name I made, I'll trade for his
The only trouble is - -
I'll never tell.

Xander:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight - -
Embrace! Tight embrace!

I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - -
No. I'll never tell.

Anya and Xander:
Cause there's nothing to tell.

Anya:
He snores

Xander:
She wheezes

Anya:
Say "housework" and he freezes

Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe

Anya:
I talk; he breezes

Xander:
She doesn't know what "please" is

Anya:
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!

Anya and Xander:
The vibe gets kind of scary

Xander:
Like, she thinks I'm ordinary

Anya:
Like, it's all just temporary

Xander:
Like, her toes are kind of hairy

Anya and Xander:
But it's all very well
Cause, God knows, I'll never tell!

Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy!
Now look, he's getting huffy
Cause he knows that I know.

Xander:
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She nev - -

Anya:
His eyes are beady!

Xander:
This is my verse, hello?
She - -

Anya: (Spoken)
Hey, look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

Anya and Xander:
You know

Xander:
You're quite the charmer

Anya:
My knight in armor

Xander:
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm, yet supple - -
Tight embrace!

Anya:
He's swell

Xander:
She's sweller

Anya:
He'll always be my feller

Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified

Anya:
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
And I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide

Anya and Xander:
I've lied
I've said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I've can't quell

Xander:
Is she looking for a pot of gold

Anya:
Will I look good when I've gotten old?

Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

Anya:
Will I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

Xander:
Am I crazy?

Anya:
Am I dreamin'?

Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?

Anya and Xander:
We can really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!

So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear, that I'll never tell

Xander:
My lips are sealed

Anya:
I take the Fifth

Xander:
Nothing to see
Move it along

Anya and Xander:
I'll never
Tell!