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by Tom Waits
Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh...
Most of us have dogs, allright? [applause]
I don´t know if it´s a local thing where I live, or if it´s everywhere, and I´m checking it with you because uh, I don´t get in the area that often and I´m just checking to see if...
There´s a new kind of a dog treat. And uh (where I live) and they´re available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh...
I wasn´t really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said "Bull Penis" [laughter]
I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world.
You can get a whale´s pancreas if you´d want one! I can get you one! [laughter]
But com´on, a bull´s penis! How busy they were their whole lives.
And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! [laughter]
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren´t they?
Doesn´t that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time.
And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"!
I mean... that´s the part that really got me. And it said: "A Real Meat Snack".
There´s just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway...
The other thing is that they´re 36 inches long! [laughter]
They´re so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions.
And then they take two of them and braid them together.
I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh...
This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom...
That´s a lie!